Monday, November 14, 2011

A Fist Full of Sundays

As of late, I seems like I am wavering between actively posting on this blog and periods of absolute stagnation. "Feast or famine, "all or nothing," "stationary and static."

 Despite my chaotic absenteeism, I do have 'good reason' for my lapse in posting and leaving comments on others' blogs. My father has been going through some health issues and as a result, I have been spending a majority of my time travelling between my parents' house and mine. I am experiencing a sense of deja vu as I write this. (I have already stated this in previous posts).

I feel like my current mood is like Morrissey's song, "Every Day is Like Sunday."  The images of closed stores, listlessly walking down a cold, empty boardwalk, and wishing to be somewhere, ANYWHERE, else harbors a sense of familiarity. The hours spent driving back and forth, the doctor visits, trips to the store, drives to the shops, and the endless barrage of unpacking, packing, and doing laundry make the days seem seamless. The days blend together like the packet of Splenda melting into my morning coffee.

In spite of my blasse state of mind, I would do all of this over and over again. My parents need me and my love for them erodes any desire to kvetch about my situation.

What makes these current state of affairs difficult is seeing my dad enduring all of this. Regardless of what is going on with my father, he is strong and he positive outlook is inspiring. As for my mother, she has been through a lot already this year. She lost a sister and a cousin over the summer.So, whenever she calls me, I am there, ready to hop in the car at any given notice.

I am not sure what to think and/or feel right now. I waffle between feeling super positive to feeling totally vexed. I have been so busy travelling, I have neglected the gym and my blog again. And writing and working out is probably what I need right now, big time.  I need to conquer this "listless Sunday" feeling.  It seems to be hovering over me like an old itchy, heavy wool blanket, ready to pounce.

I cannot allow myself to wallow in worry and indulge in empty stares out my living room window. I need to be the beacon of positive energy for myself and my parents. I need to trade in this "fist of Sundays" in for mornings at the gym and projects on my sewing machine. I find that when I am active and busy, I am happier. But whenever  I feel this "meh" attitude, it tends to steer me away from what brings me focus and inner peace. Funny how that works, isn't it?

While I cannot promise that I will be "super blogger gal," I will try. (Heck knows I need it!) Nevertheless, I look forward to connecting with you all. I miss you, gals and your great blogs!

8 comments:

  1. Tara I know exactly what you mean! I always feel better when I'm pottering around doing things, especially if I get out into my garden but it's the last thing I can seem to bring myself to do right now!

    I hope your Dad gets better soon and you are able to fit in some you time. You need to be kind to yourself.

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  2. As much as you want to be there for your family, it's tough not to have that downtime at home. Always miss seeing your posts, but exercise and your creative outlets should take precedence over the internets :)
    Hope you won't have to be doing all of that driving once the weather turns bad!

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  3. Ah hon I hear ya, I'm the same so busy right now. My mum is still in hospital too, although she lives to far away to visit often :o(

    I do hope your dad recovers soon, it can be such a stress can't it, I have been surprised how at my age now - speaking as someone who didn't have children - I realise things have turned around and now I am being the strength for mum rather than her for me, sounds like you're in a similar situation.

    When you get back to blogging we'll be there we love you!

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  4. Thank you, girls, for all the lovely support! I really appreciate it! Dad is okay but things are going to be tough for a bit. I have been running again this week and that alone has really been helping my spirit. I talk to mum and dad daily and that is helpful for me and them too. Like Fiona said, I have no children as well and I am the strength for my parents now and it is a humbling moment for sure.

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