Saturday, July 7, 2012

I am Still Here

I have been away from blogging for a long time! It's been two months since my last post! I can't believe the Fourth of July has come and gone already!

Nevertheless, since my absence, a lot has been going on for me and my family. Things are okay now but back in May, there were a couple days I felt my whole world turn upside down.

My 72-year old father is in the early stages of Alzheimers. He was officially diagnosed in October and was put on the lowest dose of the Exelon patch. He has his good days and his not-so-good ones and in early May, he had a bad day. My father, intent on meeting up with friends, went missing.

I was at work and my sister called me mid-morning to inform me Dad was missing.  He was supposed to meet his friends for golf at 9:00 am. One of my father's friends called my mother inquiring about his whereabouts or if Dad forgot. My mother's heart sank as she told the friend Dad left the house around 8:30 am. My mother called my sister in a panic and my sister called the local police. After a while, they issued a 'senior alert.' A 'senior alert' or in some jurisdictions, a 'silver alert,' is similar to the "Amber Alert" system.

After several hours, my father was found and the police drove him home. My sister and I drove to my parents' house (about one and half hours away) and we had to go pick up the car where my dad left it. (It didn't start and we had to call a tow truck. I am so thankful the car did not break down whilst Dad was driving.)

After a nap and some dinner, Dad seemed a little tired, confused, and yet happy to be home. We asked Dad if he remembered what he was supposed to do that day and he didn't have a clear answer. Everything seemed like a blur to him.

Lately, my father seems to be doing better. He is staying active, working in the yard, reading the paper everyday, and taking morning walks with Mom. My father's neurologist stressed to us that physical activity is VERY IMPORTANT! Some studies have speculated that crossword puzzles and games like Sudoku are helpful for maintaining memory function but in the end, not really. Again, physical activity and socialization are the key.
This book, "The 36-Hour Day" has been an amazing tool for us. If you know someone going through Alzheimers or know a caregiver (spouse or adult child), I recommend this book highly. Even though there medications and ways to help maintain memory and cognitive function, there is no cure for Alzheimers and/or dementia. With that said, early detection and diagnosis is CRITICAL. If you suspect a loved one may be in the infant stages of the disease, they need to get a referral for neurologist, a possible MRI (to check for brain abnormalities), and a thorough screening (a questionnaire done by the neurologist in office).

Most of my talks with Dad seem very normal but sometimes I can see and hear the differences in him. Most days I am okay, and yet there are a few where "it hits me" and I either cry and/or feel very pi$$ed off. I think, "Why him?! Why?!" I waver between super positive to 'I want to wave my hands and make it all go away.'

I admit I am worried for Dad but I do not want to be so consumed in my worry that I miss out on the good times with him. Each day I strive to call him and Mom on the phone and I make sure to visit them a lot. I spent the Fourth of July with Mom and Dad and it was a fun day. Dad really seemed like his 'old self' and he was even telling funny stories about the time he and Mom went through the citizen classes (for becoming a US citizen) back in the 70s. Dad and I also had a great conversation about the upcoming Presidential election.

I am going to be positive for Dad and for now, that's all I can do. I will not wallow in self-pity because, really, what good is that? It's not. I need to be strong for my family and be there for them. I will see each day as a blessing because it is. Family is all that matters.

With much love to you all!

30 comments:

  1. Well that must have been terrifying. I'm so glad that you found your dad and that he was okay. I'm sorry your family has to go through something so sad. I wish you the very best.

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    1. Thank you so much for the kind comment!!

      It was terrifying. I was at work and wanted to cry but I had to keep myself together. Thankfully, I was able to leave and meet my sister so we could both drive to Mom and Dad's. When we left the DC area, Dad was still missing but 30 minutes into our trip, I called Mom to check on her and she said Dad had been found. Part of me was so overjoyed and yet part of me was scared this scenario was a sign of things to come.

      I hope medical science finds a cure or better treatment. I do not wish this on anyone.

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  2. You are welcome. I know, I hope they can cure it also. Every once in awhile there will be someone with it missing around here and I just feel so horrible for their family. Sometimes, a woman I know, her mom just walks out of the home she is staying in. They need to find a cure soon.

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  3. I've been through a similar thing with two grandparents, but it must be horrible to have it happen to the man who raised you. Stay strong and know that you have lots of people out here praying for you! xo

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    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I am sorry to hear you have experienced this yourself with your grandparents. It is hard to see my dad go through this, especially when two years ago he was fine. Like I said, all I can do is be positive and make sure to stay in touch everyday!

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  4. What a scary experience. I am a caregiver for an elderly woman with advanced dementia; for my job. I have read much of the "36 hr.Day" book and it does help a lot. Care giving is no easy task and I am glad you have other family members around for support. All the best to you, your family and your Dad.

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    1. Thank you for your comment and kind well-wishes! I really appreciate it. My mother is my dad's caregiver and I know it is difficult for her. For years, Dad did everything for her and now she is the one. I hope to be there for them both. Dad seems to be doing better with his medication and his CPAP machine.

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  5. My grandpa didn't have Alzheimers but had really similar symptoms because of a brain tumor, and it's so hard to watch. :( They do make medical bracelets with people's addresses/name/number on them, that might be something to look into

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    1. It is difficult indeed. I am sorry to hear about your grandpa. It is never easy, is it? It is hard because here is this man who raised me, who taught me everything from how to ride a bike, to do math, teach me boxing, how credit cards work to driving a stick shift. Now he needs my help and it can be almost too much at times. I want to wish this all away. Nevertheless, the police officer who helped my mom the day Dad went missing told her about "Project Lifesaver." We also got Dad a cell phone with bigger-looking numbers and speed dial. Even if he doesn't use it, we were told they can track him in case he gets lost again.

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  6. I'm not going to say I know what you are going through because I don't. My Dad was very ill 2 years ago, he will never be his old self, he's very frail and kind of vague now but it's not the same I know. I'm thinking of you. x

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    1. Thank you for the comments and support! I am sorry to hear about your father. I am here for you too.xo

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  7. It can be such a hard thing to go through- and so hard for your mother too. I know when we had to look after my MIL, the one thing we desperately needed was a break- and we could not get one!
    I am sure your visits help a lot- and your calls too. And with the advance warning, you know it allows you to make the most of your time with your dad- enjoying all those good times.
    My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment! I know my mom often needs a break so I try to go visit and be sure to take her out for lunch and shopping. My parents stayed with me and my sister recently during Father's Day weekend and we both made sure to treat them both! We took Dad and Mom to a gourmet dinner on Father's Day and I know they both loved the experience. I am going to make sure to celebrate each day I can with them. Even if it's just a call to say hello!

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  8. I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I am glad you are back to blogging though. Maybe this will be a good place to sort things out and focus on you. I worry about my parents as they are getting older but I can't really imagine what you are going through. Stay strong!!

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment and sweet words, Holly! I truly appreciate it! I am totally getting back into blogging again because I am tapping into my creativity which gives me a sense of calm and well-being.

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  9. I'm so sorry you are all having to go through this, it's so very difficult, but you all sound like you are approaching it with a positive attitude. Stay well, all of you xxx

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    1. Thank you for your lovely words, Fiona! I am trying to stay positive but some days are better than others! Last week's visit with Mom and Dad was an amazing boost for all of us because Dad seemed to be more like Dad. I need to remind myself to reach out and make each day special for Dad and Mom.

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  10. I am very sorry to hear about your father. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. My grandfather has been diagnosed for about 6 or so years, and no longer recognizes any of his family, not even my grandmother (although he does seem to look forward to her daily visits). The real kicker to us is that he was an engineer and was a MENSA member and yet one day he woke up and couldn't remember simple things.

    I hope you and your family do realize how much of blessing each day is. Good luck with the long road ahead.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your kind comments. I am sorry your grandfather is going through this as well. My father was fine two years ago and now the simple things are a challenge for him. I hope medical science figures out how to beat this soon.

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  11. So sorry to hear that Tara, but great that you have such a positive outlook on things. I hope that things are not to hard on you or your family for the times ahead x

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    1. Thank you so much, Clare. Your comment and lovely words mean a lot! I talked to Dad earlier tonight and he seemed well. We just take each day as it is.

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  12. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you and your family Tara! I'm glad you and your family have each other and seem to be very on top of the disease. Take care, I'm thinking about you :)

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    1. Thank so much for your support, Barbara! Bigs hugs to you!

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  13. Thanks so much for sharing this. :)

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